Well hi everybody! How are you? I sure hope better than I am, because I'm not @ my best right now. I had been doing sooo well for a couple of weeks! I was so happy, had gotten rid of the pseudomonous infection, feeling good, work was great ... so I was feeling ok about Mark going out of town for a few days to enjoy the celebration of his parents Doris and George's 60th Anniversary party! I would have loved to have gone, but there is just no way in the physical condition I'm in right now. Very high maintenance and I would have hated to have a bleeding incident in the middle of it all. Besides, it would have really tired me out too! This way, Mark could enjoy himself w/out having to worry about me. Can I just add that I really like the dress my mother-in-law Doris is wearing in the photo! She has excellent taste, her make-up and hair always immaculate - very stylish! Of course I can see how Mark will keep getting more handsome with age, since he looks so much like his dad George!
Mark was due home Monday night of last week, and I woke up @ 6:00 a.m. that morning feeling wetness on my chest. Sure enough, blood! I got up quickly to go to the bathroom and spit out several large blood clots. GROSS! Picked Mark up @ the airport that evening - glad he was able to get home, as his take off flight was delayed a couple of hours due to thunderstorms in the area! Since I don't cook, I had been dying for Mark to get home so I could have some delicious meals again - wouldn't you know it though - soon as we were about to have dinner Tues. night I had a bleed. Called out to Mark to come help, so his dinner had to wait. Of course there was no way I could eat either! Got it stopped finally after packing my mouth with gauze for a while and both of us fell asleep in front of the tv. Woke up about 1:45 a.m. and told Mark I was going to remove the packing in my mouth. It was ok - but of course I had to pull @ the blood clots (gag!) toward the back of the left side of my mouth and the blood just started shooting out again! It was lasting a while and I was going through lots of gauze and running out, so I knew I'd better get to the emergency room! By this time it's almost 3:00 a.m. Luckily we live a few blocks from the hospital - so I grabbed a plastic bucket, some paper towels and headed out! Mark waited w/me in ER a couple of hours then decided to go home and rest. It wasn't until about 7:30 a.m. that I was finally admitted and put in a room, and my sister Celia showed up right then and stayed w/me most of the day! Mom came by as well - and Mark brought me a few things I needed later. I needed 3 units of blood to get my level up, so I stayed overnight. I always miss my kiddos so much and Mark had just gotten home too! Darn it!
Course I was on a liquid diet, then soft diet. I'm still starving from Mark being out of town and then this happens! Course I'm afraid to eat and cause any more bleeding! My "meals" were juice and cream of wheat. Was released the next day - Mom picked me up and took me to get a decent meal @ Town and Country restaurant. Didn't eat much and she drove me home, knowing Mark would be home in about an hour from work! I was so happy to see my kiddos Hanz and Bella!
Went to work the next day - can't just stay home alone in case I had another bleed, and @ least going to work keeps my mind occupied and am surrounded by people than can help if I have any problems!
Took the kids to Petco and Petsmart Saturday, but that tired me out, so we came home after that. I had wanted to take them to a local Halloween event for pets, but there was just no way I could be out any more.
I feel so lost - I don't even know who I am sometimes. I can't just live in fear of another bleed, but how can I not after the terrible experience I just had?! It always takes a few days after having a bleed to feel I can relax a bit. So far, I haven't gotten there yet. I've been experiencing anxiety, hard time sleeping and afraid to eat anything but very soft food! I often wonder how much more I can take of this! If it weren't for the phenomenal group of people that surround me, I could not make it! My husband is incredible, I have the 2 cutest dogs in the world that love me, my family is awesome and always there for me and I have the best friends ever that pray for me and accept me as I am! My co-workers are always looking out for my best interest, telling me to take it easy, opening doors, offering a chair for me to sit and get comfortable ... I feel very blessed in that regard! I can't deny though that when I have a bleed, it totally messes with my head and I feel like this nightmare will never end! The only thing keeping me sane, is knowing that 2 fellow avm-ers (I know I've mentioned this before) have completed their procedures. I just want to be a woman in love, enjoying her husband and enjoying Mark-a-ritas and eating anything I want! For the most part, as long as I'm not bleeding or in pain - I can deal with my avm issues - it's having a bleed that throws me off! Mom wants me to keep going to church, but in order to "function" I need to take a pain killer and a steroid to get going. Well, the pain killer makes me drowsy, so last Sunday, Mark had to nudge me like 4 times during Mass because I started snoring!
I got a nice surprise from one of my "besties" like Amy Farrah Fowler says on Big Bang Theory! My bud Felice that lives in Dallas sent me a book in the mail (More letters from Pemberly) that I can take w/me to read in CO! Plus, she even included a gift card for Petsmart for our kiddos Hanz and Bella! WOW! I have such sweet friends that always think of me and keep me in their prayers and surprise me with things to get my mind off this horrible avm!
I'd better get packing - our flight leaves in 8 hours, which means I have to leave the house @ 4 a.m. and have Mark take me where Celia will pick me up and we'll head out to the airport so we can get there by 5:00 a.m!
I'll try and put in some photos later! Thanks always for all your love and support!!!!
Cyndi
dulce@grandecom.net
schumancynthia@gmail.com
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